Just 18 Fucking Funny Tweets About New Year’s Resolutions

New Years resolution: if you tell yourself you're gonna go to the gym and study you're only allowed to overeat or nap instead not both

— NEW YEAR NEW BARTY🎉 (@abarty_intheusa)

Telling people your New Years resolution so you'll "be accountable" is a great way to find out that no one cares about your resolution.

— Donna McCoy (@Donna_McCoy)

new years resolution = don't be so hungover.

— CHARLI XCX (@charli_xcx)

resolution: get softer and prepare to die

— Avocado (@RealAvocadoFact)

My New Years resolution is not to say, "ok 2018 will be my year" at the end of this year.

— Chase Turner (@Tryaminic)

Forgot to make resolutions? Just write out everything you did last night and at the beginning add the word "stop."

— Pete Holmes (@peteholmes)

My New Years resolution is for yall to mind your business more.

— Bread Terry (@SlimiHendrix)

My New Years resolution is to not cuss so fucking much

— J (@JackJ)

My New Years resolution for 2016 was to not have a resolution so I wouldn't disappoint myself.... still disappointed myself

— Mia Stammer ✨ (@MamaMiaMakeup)

My New Years resolution is to be more assertive if that's okay with you guys?

— Megan Kelly Dunn (@megankcomedy)

My New Years resolution is to try and put less than 4 chapsticks through the washer & dryer next year.

— Shawn Booth (@Shawn_Booth)

2017 Resolution: Don't let someone take up emotional real estate if they aren't paying rent.

— Sarah Kay (@kaysarahsera)

my only New Years resolution is to not spend money on food I honestly might be rich by 2017

— Bitch Problem👸🏼 (@FemaleTexts)

My 2017 resolution is to work on my low self esteem, but I don't think I can do it.

— Adrienne Airhart (@craydrienne)

New Years resolution: exercise (my right to eat) more (tacos)

— snowlion (@lionprincessval)

I've seen 6 people post that their new year's resolution is to "loose weight." I can think of a slightly more useful resolution for them

— Brad Williams (@funnybrad)

New Years resolution: try to worry less, fill that time with oh god what am I supposed to fill that time with this is already going terribly

— Jen Doll (@thisisjendoll)

Startup idea: a gym named Resolution that runs for the 1st month of the year, collects subscription fee, then converts to a bar named Regret

— Siddharth Singh (@siddharth3)